


Every Illusion

by BalanceoftheForce



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cute, F/M, Las Vegas, M/M, References to Addiction, References to Depression, modern star wars au, references to alcoholism, reylo au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-06 17:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18393071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BalanceoftheForce/pseuds/BalanceoftheForce
Summary: Rey is on the edge of ruin. A washed out twenty-seven-year-old, she is finally feeling the repercussions of a secret she won't even admit to herself. Currently being unemployed isn't even the half of it.Now finding herself free of a volatile relationship and under her adoptive brother Finn's roof, Rey is offered a fresh start. Something she's never had before. But when the possibilities begin to include the love of a boy from her past and the ability to unburden her from her secret, Rey's problems threaten to jeopardize much more than just a fresh start.





	1. The Afterparty

**Author's Note:**

> Formalities
> 
> -TW for alcohol abuse, addiction, and toxic relationships (briefly)
> 
> -In this AU, movie titles are the names of ships from SW
> 
> -This AU features Reylo and Stormpilot
> 
> -There is a lot of swearing

"I just don't understand why you're bringing this up now."

Rey watched her boyfriend's knuckles blanche over the steering wheel. This was a bad way to spend time stuck in traffic. 

"It didn't really hit me until they said my name aloud, on live TV, about a nomination for a movie I didn't even write," he replied.

"You did write it, Hux," Rey argued. "You and Phasma wrote a beautiful script that was turned into a beautiful movie and was rightfully nominated."

"No. You don't get it."

Rey yanked at the hem of her rented dress, pulling a thread out. "Then explain it!"

"She's the one that wrote all of the scenes people talk about. Phasma is the one who came up with the whole plot. I just wrote some dialogue. I'm a fraud."

"From what you told me, you wrote a lot of it. And this was all based on your idea."

"A shitty, bare-boned idea that would've been useless if it just had me. And I didn't write the parts people care about. Phasma did. I'm a fraud," he repeated. "A worthless fraud!"

Rey lowered her voice to a raspy, apathetic whisper. "Well, you didn't win the award so you can't be that big of a fraud."

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"I didn't mean it. I just think you're being irrational."

"Why can't you be supportive?"

Rey tilted her head against the car window. "I'm sorry."

"Can't you see I'm upset, Rey?"

"So are we not going to the afterparty?"

"Of course we're going."

//

The awards afterparty glittered in a blurry haze of dimmed lighting, shiny clothing, and half-emptied glasses. Hux chatted up two other partygoers while Rey took in the surreal scenery around her and sipped her drink.

She recognized faces mingling in the dusky room from TV and movies. All in a different kind of costume now.

"Rey especially loved it," Hux said, pulling her away from those thoughts.

"Hm?"

Hux's jaw ticked. "Please excuse her, she's jet-lagged," he told the men across from them before turning back to her. "Baby, these guys created The Supremacy."

Rey's eyes lit up slightly. "You won for Best Limited Series."

"Hux says you're a fan," the bearded one replied.

She nodded with sluggish and exhausted movement, a song of heavy beats and an airy voice rising in the silence.

"Very much so," Hux interjected.

"Which is better," the bearded one's counterpart asked, "The Supremacy or Starkiller?"

Rey glanced at Hux, who was staring at the remnants of his drink like it was the only thing in the room.

"I think they're both very different works—"

"Pick."

Rey paused. "Hux's movie"

"Biased, biased," the bearded one chided.

His partner shrugged. "We aren't the one who wrote Finalizer."

"That was five years ago," Hux whispered, looking up at Rey with strained eyes.

"It's a gorgeous movie, though. One of the best of this decade," the bearded one replied.

"I haven't written anything decent since."

"But Starkiller—"

Hux rose almost as if he'd touched a live wire, barely telling Rey, "I'll be back, baby," before hurrying off. 

Rey watched him walk away, disappearing into the gaps of the crowd. She turned back to the two men and forced a blank expression. "Can't kick the nicotine."

They replied with knit brows and open mouths. She shot down the rest of her drink.

"'Scuse me."

Rey stood up and followed the path Hux had carved out. The thick fragrance of sweat, perfume, and drunken breath welcomed her in. A cloud of aerosolized wealth and talent. When she made her way to the edge of the velvet security rope, something pulled her attention.

A warmly-lit bar.

A warmly-lit bar free of the anger her boyfriend was sure to be waiting outside with.

The bartender approached her as she sat down.

"Anything strong," Rey requested.

"Alright, you got it."

The man stayed in front of her as he prepared a drink.

"I was a bartender in college," she told him.

"And now you're some hotshot actor, right?"

"You're lucky I'm not, or I might've taken offense."

The bartender shrugged. "Who are you then?"

"The 'plus one' of a nominee."

"Yeah, but what do you do?"

Rey braced herself. "Translator. Freelance for commercial businesses."

"Oh, that's cool. I have a question. How do you say 'fuck off' in Japanese?"

Rey sucked in a tired breath. "Everyone asks how to swear in another language. Don't you have a more interesting question?"

"No." He handed her the drink. "So how do you say it?"

"I don't speak Japanese," Rey said as she picked up her glass and stood to leave.

"I'm sorry," the man blurted. "I'm sorry. It's just that my grandma is Japanese and... y'know."

Rey sat back down. "You want to tell your grandmother to fuck off?"

He shrugged. "She's kind of a bitch."

"Jesus Christ," she responded, half-serious and half-amused.

"Sometimes family is like that."

"I'll drink to that."

"The whole--?"

Rey downed two fingers of whiskey in one swift tilt of her hand.

"You weren't kidding," the bartender mused.

"Another round, maestro."

"Alright..."

Rey swiveled around and rested her back against the bar. The party seemed softer now, more manageable and insignificant. A glimpse into a world she'd never be a part of. And a notion she was grateful for.

"Baby, c'mon!"

Rey looked toward the front and spotted a thoroughly disordered Hux. He waved from his slumped position.

"I need to go," he announced over the noise.

"Now?"

Rey was still waiting on her drink.

"Now."

Rey could look back at the bartender before Hux had reached them and grabbed her arm. He pulled her with reckless force from the bar and toward the security line.

Before she could fight back against his pull, they were outside.

"What is wrong with you?" Rey shouted as she pulled her arm free.

"Don't yell at me!"

"I think you bruised my arm, Hux!"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry. It's just too much."

"It's not okay. You can't do that to me."

"I know. I'm sorry. But it's all too much. I'm overwhelmed. And you could've been more supportive in there, you know? You didn't have to throw me to the wolves."

"Are you serious? I hyped you up, I supported your work. To people whose opinions I don't give a shit about. Because I knew you gave a shit."

"You embarrassed me."

Rey shook her head. "You're letting this world change you. You're not thinking straight."

"No. It's not that."

"I knew you before Starkiller. I knew you before Finalizer. I knew you before you decided to be a screenwriter. You were never like this."

"Maybe this is who I am now."

"I don't like this new you."

Hux gaped at her.

"I'm taking a Lyft back to the hotel. By myself. Don't come back for a while."

"Baby—"

"There is no version of this where I am not upset right now. Do yourself a favor and pull yourself together before I see you again."

And with that, Rey walked to the nearest lamppost and called for a ride.

 

❤️ Hope you liked the first chapter! Please leave a kudos if you did! ❤️


	2. Decisions

The door of the hotel room slammed shut at 4 am. 

"Baby?" Hux called out into the dark. 

Rey didn't respond. 

He shuffled further in and kicked his shoes off, the duvet rustling as he slid into bed. A thin stripe of light from the street ran across his chest. 

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered. "I really love you." Hux's eyes welled and he threw his hand over his face. Tears turned to quiet sobs. "I'm so sorry."

"I hate you."

"What?" Hux sniffled and rolled over to face Rey's back. "Are you awake?"

"I... hate you," she repeated, turning over. 

"Don't say that."

"You absolute idiot."

"Are you drunk right now?"

Rey threw her legs over the bed and stood up. Adrenaline replaced any sense of exhaustion or oncoming hangover. Hux followed her, turning on a lamp. 

"All I ever hear from you now are accusations and apologies!" 

"Keep your voice down," Hux scolded. 

Rey sunk into a desk chair. 

"You take everything out on me. I support you. I go to these events for you. I turned down a freelance gig to help you settle into your new apartment--"

"Our apartment."

"You keep putting off letting me move my stuff in. My name's not even on the lease."

"You're taking it out of context. I had reasons for all that," Hux argued.

Rey took a long breath. "I put all my time and effort and emotion into you. And you treat me like shit."

"Rey..."

"I'm not the enemy here."

"I know. It's the pressure. And my manager—"

"No, no, no." Rey rose to meet Hux's eyes. "It's you! It's always been you!"

"I haven't been the best lately, I'll admit that, but," Hux threw his arms up, "I'm doing my best."

"If your best is bruising my arm, then you are worse than I thought."

Rey pushed past him, picking up her purse and checking for everything she needed. 

"What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving." Rey pivoted toward him. "I'm leaving you, Hux."

"It's the middle of the night! Can we sleep on it? Please?"

Rey called out over her shoulder as she walked out the door, "Don't forget to return the dress. It's on your card."

//

The last person Finn Welles expected to see on his apartment doorstep at ten in the morning was his sister.

"Arie?"

"I hate that nickname and you know that."

Finn shrugged from the doorway as the desert sun beat down on Rey.

"How'd you get through the gate? I didn't buzz you in," he said matter-of-factly.

"A very nice woman held the door open for me as she left."

"Glad to hear our security system is so top-of-the-line."

Rey feigned amusement, but Finn didn't say anything else.

"So?" She prompted, picking up her tangled hair and fanning the back of her neck. "Can you let me in?"

"Why?"

"Because I flew here to see you?"

Finn eyed his sister. She was sleepless, unkempt, and probably hungover. "What do you want?"

Rey rolled her eyes and pushed past her brother into his apartment.

"Why is it... so clean?" She asked while taking off her sunglasses.

Finn shut the door and eyed the living room with his sister.

"Poe."

"Who?"

"My boyfriend. Who lives with me."

"You don't make him clean your stuff up, do you?"

Finn started to shake off the initial shock and trepidation his sister had brought. "He'd rather die. I'm just courteous now that I live with someone else."

"Mhm. But that didn't apply when you lived with Mom and Dad?"

He walked over and stretched out on the couch. "I have no idea what you're implying."

"I'm sure you don't." Rey dropped her bag at the door and sat down on the coffee table across from her brother. "Do you guys have food?"

"No."

"What?"

"Not for you."

Rey scoffed.

"I'm serious, Arie. You can't..."

"Can't what? Ask for some breakfast? And stop with the Arie stuff."

"You can't show up uninvited."

"I'm your sister."

"And this is my home."

"C'mon," Rey laughed.

"Jesus Christ." Finn stood up and walked to the kitchen. "You can't stay here."

"I broke up with Hux." She blurted.

He stopped and turned around slowly on the back of his heel. "Really?"

Rey nodded.

"You can stay here 'til the end of the week."

"Thank you, Finn."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved her gratitude away. "You want scrambled eggs or...?"

"Yeah."

As Finn opened the fridge, a man sporting an old Cali shirt walked into the living room and yawned.

"Hey, Finn, who--" He spotted the new guest sitting on the coffee table. "Oh. Rey. Hi!"

Rey looked to her brother. "How does he know what I look like?"

"I showed him a picture."

"Why?"

"Because he's my boyfriend. He's met Mom and Dad."

"What? When?"

"The first Christmas you stopped coming home."

"That long ago?"

Finn got a spatula out of a drawer and motioned at Poe. "Say hi, Rey."

Rey straightened her back and jumped up. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." She held her hand out. "It's nice to finally meet you, Poe."

The man smiled. "You, too."

"She broke up with Hux," Finn called out.

Poe lit up. "Finally!"

"What have you been telling him, Finn?"

"Only the truth."

Poe grasped Rey's hand. "He's an asshole. I've never met him, but I know he's an asshole. Do you need a place to stay?"

Finn shouted from the stove, "I told her she could stay until Sunday. Then she'll be gone. Is that alright?"

"Yes!" Poe ducked his head and whispered to Rey, "You stay as long as you like."

"Thank you."

"We don't have an AC, though."

"That's... fine." Rey thought about how nice an ice bath would feel right about then. "Fans?"

"of course." Poe squeezed her hand before dropping it and leaving for the kitchen. "This will be fun!"

Out of earshot, Finn whispered to Poe, "Hide the alcohol when you get the chance."

//

"Rey, you're twenty-eight, right? Three years older than Finn?"

"Twenty-seven."

"And you're a freelance translator? For companies and stuff?"

"It sounds like you might know more about me than I do," Rey laughed before shoveling a bite of eggs into her mouth.

"Do you have to get your stuff from Hux's place?" Finn asked.

"No. My stuff is still in storage back in Orleans. Under mom's name."

"And how long did you live with him?"

Rey ignored the question. "I don't have much stuff anyway."

"Ooh, ooh, that's right!" Poe interjected, his head bobbing in excitement. "You're a minimalist! I did a deep dive into that whole movement after he told me about you. It's very fascinating."

"I wouldn't call it a movement. I just don't need much. Kind of because I'm broke, but also because it makes traveling for work easier. But mostly because I have no money."

Poe laughed quietly, unsure of how much Rey was joking.

"Speaking of which, could I borrow some clothes, Finn? Just until I can get some more climate-appropriate ones."

"I could just drive you to an outlet mall."

"Did you not just hear me mention how broke I am?"

"I'll help out, okay? That's what I'm trying to offer."

"Oh. Thank you."

"Yup."

An awkward lull settled between the three.

Even inside and far from the sun's beams, Rey's forehead began to sweat again. She wiped it away with the back of her hand and addressed the other two. "I want to check out The Strip."

Finn didn't look up from his plate. "Typical Vegas tourist."

"I've never been."

"I'll take you," Poe volunteered. "I don't have anything going on."

"He's a kindergartener teacher," Finn explained.

"Summers as an adult aren't as exciting as they are when you're a kid," Poe laughed.

"You wouldn't mind showing me around, would you?"

"Oh no. We can eat lunch at Lorenzo!"

Rey's pocket buzzed. She reached down and peaked at the screen. Hux had figured out she was no longer in airplane mode. Missed calls and a stream of texts. She shut her phone off all the way, shoving it back into her pocket.

"I'd love that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me comments if you like the story so far!
> 
> Find me on Twitter for updates @ abalancedforce !


	3. Bonding Time

Rey tried not to gape at the sights around her. It was as if someone had taken the world's landmarks, the fever dreams of the rich, and Disneyland and compressed them all into a single stretch of road.

"That's the Canto Bight casino. It's new and very boujee. Next to it is La Luna." Poe pointed to a shiny black building. "And there's The Desert Flower, where the restaurant is."

They had exited the Lyft only a couple minutes ago, but cigarette smoke was already washing out the scent of their sunscreen.

Chatter and whirring slots and music swelled around them.

The heat was relentless.

A total immersion into the desert's hideaway.

Poe caught a glimpse of Rey's face. "It's pretty spectacular, right?"

"It's so much better than I'd imagined." Rey adjusted the strap of a sundress Finn had gotten her. "I kind of imagined a glittery dumpster pile."

"It certainly can be like that in some places," Poe replied.

The two approached the towering Desert Flower and entered to the relief of an industrial air conditioner.

"Woah," Rey said under her breath. "This doesn't look like a casino at all."

"Vegas has a million different faces. There's always gotta be something for everyone. Here, c'mon."

Poe tilted his head toward stairs modeled after pyramids and led Rey all the way to a level filled with shops and restaurants ranging from dive to black-tie.

"Lorenzo is down this way," Poe directed. "It's owned by that one Food Network chef who has the show about sustainable cooking."

"The one who dumpster dives?"

"Yeah. The restaurant's named after her dad."

"Are we going to dumpster dive?" Rey laughed.

Poe joined in. "Oh, no. It's a pizza joint."

Once they reached the restaurant and settled into their table, Rey reached for the drink menu.

Poe squirmed in his seat and opted for occupying himself by looking around the place. It was mostly brownish reds and small accents of green modeled after an old brick building. Everything that Poe had seen before and everything that was failing to distract him.

The waitress came by and gave them waters, telling them, "I'll be back in a minute to take your drink orders," as she left.

Poe opened his mouth to say something, but then decided against it. He did this a couple more times.

"Are you okay?" Rey asked, setting down the drink menu.

Poe perked up suddenly. "You know, they have really good milkshakes here. A lot of different flavors like pistachio and Nutella and blueberry and things like that. You should try one."

Rey looked at Poe strangely. "That sounds good, but I don't really want to fill up on ice cream."

"What about soda? They import this weird soda from Italy. It's pretty good."

"What are you aiming at?" Rey asked.

Poe froze and his smile disappeared. "I was just suggesting good drinks."

"Do you have a problem with me ordering alcohol? Because you could've just said that upfront, y'know. If it's religious or--"

"No, no. I don't have a problem."

 

"It kind of seems like you do."

Poe avoided eye contact.

"Just tell me why." Rey watched him struggle to maintain a relaxed composure. "Is it Finn? Did he put you up to this?"

"He... he maybe... maybe kind of thinks you might have somewhat of a problem," he relented.

Rey scoffed. "Of course."

"It's only because he's worried about you."

Rey took a sip of water and raised her eyebrows. "Hm."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Do you... have a problem?"

"No. Not even a little bit of a problem. It's really not as big of a thing as Finn makes it out to be."

"Yeah, he can be pretty dramatic sometimes. Especially about you."

"Yup."

"So you're fine?"

"Absolutely."

"Alright." Poe settled back into his seat.

"So do you want to drink Negroni with me or what?"

Poe threw his hands up and smiled, "Okay!"

//

Two drinks in, Poe became quite the talker. Rey tuned out his stories of strange students and overwhelming PTA parents in favor of disappearing into her own thoughts. She was careful not to let her gaze wander too far from Poe's eyes. However, this was getting tedious.

As she nodded for the hundredth time, Rey's attention was caught by something else. An electronic billboard outside of the window.

With something familiar on its screen.

It was just on the edge of her vision and she craned her neck to see it in its entirety.

But she wasn't fast enough.

The billboard had changed to another advertisement by the time she focused on it.

"Did you see something?" Poe asked.

"I... I don't know."

Poe turned to see what had distracted Rey.

"Did you see what was on that billboard?" she asked.

"Donny and Marie Osmond?"

Rey's face twisted. "No, before that."

"I didn't. It will come back, though. It's on a rotation."

Rey moved her chair to better face the window and stared at the LED billboard, cautious not to let her eyes go out of focus.

"What do you think you saw?"

"I'm not sure yet."

She stayed still, eyes fixed, as the waitress came by and picked up their finished plates.

A full minute passed.

Then another.

And another.

Then, finally, it changed to the advertisement Rey had been waiting for.

She stood up and took a few steps toward the window to make sure. A sense of familiarity grew into something more definitive.

"It can't be," she whispered to herself.

Poe called out from the table, "Is that the one?"

"I'll be right back," Rey responded, rushing out of the restaurant, down the stairs, and onto the casino floor until she found a bathroom.

She locked herself in a stall and leaned against the door.

Her phone took ages to turn back on, the connection was poor, and every new internet page loaded with painful slowness. But she found what she was searching for.

A small Wikipedia page with everything she needed to know.

And so there he was.

Ben Solo from high school.

Or, as he was now known to the world, Kylo Ren, resident illusionist of Chandrila Hotel and Casino.

He looked different, with facial hair and a better haircut, but it was Ben alright.

Rey shut her phone off and put it back in her pocket. Sweat was forming in her palms. She left the bathrooms, stepping back onto the casino floor.

An older woman stood not too far away. She took long drags from a cigarette as she watched a man play slots.

Rey walked up to her.

"Bum a smoke?"

The woman obliged and lit the cigarette for her.

Leaning against a decorative obelisk, Rey took a drag and blew smoke out with an intense focus. This couldn't be fate. No, fate was a fool's word and an even more foolish idea. But what else could this be?

Alcohol, Rey told herself. You're buzzed.

Still, something inexplicable nested itself in the back of her mind.

She had to see him.

//

"No. Absolutely not."

Rey crossed her arms. "I'm not asking for permission, Finn."

"You're insane."

"We were friends in high school and I want to see him again."

Poe came back from the kitchen and handed them both cans of soda.

Finn looked to the ceiling for answers. "Is this... is this a money thing? Do you think he'd give you money?"

"No! God, no," Rey shouted.

"Then what is it? You barely knew him in high school."

"We were close for a while. I think it'd be nice to catch up."

"You're not thinking straight, Rey!"

"I am!"

Finn took a deep breath and walked toward Rey, placing a protective hand on her shoulder. "I get it, okay? Hux was the worst and now you're finally free. But you're not thinking things through."

"He's right," Poe said.

"Is he?" Rey asked, looking for some kind of sign in his eyes. A glimmer of someone she could believe.

"Yes... But that doesn't mean you can't try later."

"What if I need him now?"

"Jesus," Finn mumbled. "You really need to chill out for a while. Please. We can let you stay here longer if you need it, but please just take a moment for yourself."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll do it."

Finn and Poe turned to each other in disbelief. Finn had a lot more fight in him ready to go, fight he definitely had thought he'd have to use.

Rey curled up on the couch and pulled the throw blanket over her. "I'm gonna go to bed now."

Poe frowned. "It's three in the after--"

Finn grabbed his hand. "You get some rest, Rey."

The couple helped pull the blinds close and headed to their bedroom, leaving Rey in near-darkness.

She believed herself when she said she'd chill out for a while.

But achieving that may take more drinks than she'd ever admit to her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a kudos if you like this AU <3  
> P.S. we're getting reaaaaaal close to Ben Solo!
> 
> Find me on Twitter for updates @ abalancedforce !


	4. Nosedive

It did not take any kind of skill to find a cheap bar in Vegas. Even less to find a man willing to shuck out a couple tenners to keep Rey rolling in drinks.

"Are you from here, sweetheart?"

"It's Rey."

"My apologies, Rey."

"Another gin and tonic," she told the bartender.

The man picking up her tab, clad in a cowboy hat and too much denim for the desert, grimaced.

"You've had a lot of gin," he remarked, trying to sound only partly serious.

Rey rolled her eyes. "You're right. Three shots of tequila over here, too, please!"

The bartender filled up three glasses and set them down in front of Rey.

"Who's the third one for?" Cowboy Hat asked.

Rey quickly, and skillfully, shot back two of the three before pushing the other one over to her benefactor. He smirked, but his forehead remained knit together.

Cowboy Hat took his shot. The bartender brought over Rey's gin and tonic.

And Rey finally felt like this could be a good time.

She wished she could have gotten all the way to The Strip, but this was the closest she could get on foot at eleven at night. So a quiet dive bar with rundown patrons and a broken pool table would have to suffice.

"So how does a pretty lady like you wind up here?"

"Three drinks and two shots in, and you still think I'm not a regular at bars?" Rey contended.

Cowboy Hat grimaced again.

"Tell me about yourself."

He took a deep breath. "Alright... I'm originally from Kansas. I was a communications major at KU. I'm a dog person... Gemini... I like long walks on the beach." He laughed at his joke. "What about you?"

"I was raised by my dad, mostly." Rey took a sip of her gin and tonic. "What's your dad like?"

He shifted his weight to the other foot. "Oh, we don't have to go into that..."

"I don't mind. I want to know."

"Well... okay, I guess. My old man was a factory worker. He started working when he was twelve and kind of expected the same from me."

A moment passed and Rey decided he wasn't going to keep going. So she bit. "What did you do?"

"We might need more drinks if we're going to keep going on about this," he said, a forced laughed pushing through the tenseness of his face.

"If that's what it takes..."

//

Cowboy Hat was crying by the time Rey felt she had gotten enough emotional-relief-by-proxy out of him. They had even moved to a more private area of the bar.

He cried funny, mouth twisted up and small tears that never made it all the way down his face. The word that came to Rey's mind was barren. His crying was barren.

"I'm going to go smoke, I'll be right back," Rey told him, sliding out of their new booth.

"I'll come with."

She bit the inside of her cheek. "Why don't you pay the tab and meet me by your car?"

"Do you even know what my car looks like?"

"The silver truck down the block?"

"Yeah."

"You're not hard to read," Rey said in the nicest tone she could manage. "Meet you there."

She gave a sweet smile and slipped out of the bar. As soon as she was sure she was out of the sightline of the bar's windows, she sprinted. The last thing Rey wanted was whatever Cowboy Hat thought she owed him for picking up the tab.

Rey was wearing the sundress and it was certainly not helping her efforts. Her sandals slapped against the pavement, catching on the cracks as she turned the corner. This wasn't as easy as she'd thought it'd be.

Then it hit her. A seizing, nauseating feeling in the pit of her gut. Rey came to an stumbling halt and leaned against a building.

It got worse, rising in her chest.

A rustle came from the alley next to her. A couple rustles. Little, tiny rustles. Rey's vision was getting blurrier but a family of something scurried out of the alley and down the sidewalk, staying close to the buildings. Rats. Or very, very large cockroaches.

Rey shuffled around and into the small alleyway, picking the trash pile next to a dumpster and heaving the contents of her evening onto it. Thankfully, she had braided her hair before going out. No need for anyone to hold it back.

Rey felt independent. If only for a very brief moment.

Once her stomach had been completely emptied, Rey straightened herself out and walked to the nearest twenty-four-hour liquor store.

The fluorescent lights were painfully bright. And she was sure she looked both anemic and flushed. But this wasn't her first rodeo. Muscle memory was kicking in.

She filled up her arms with bottles and deposited them on the counter in front of an unfazed clerk.

"Cash or card?"

Rey pulled her debit card and license out, waving them around. Earlier, she almost felt bad for lying to Finn, but at least now she really was broke. Kind of. Not counting her savings. Other than that... broke.

The clerk checked her out and threw the receipt and loyalty punch card into her bag.

Rey haphazardly saluted him as she left. "Thank you, cap'n."

//

The trek back to Finn's was not an easy one. Walking in a straight line seemed to make Rey more nauseous.

She used the code Finn gave her to get through the gate and then the key she borrowed to get into the apartment. It was pitch black inside. She took tentative steps to make her way to the couch.

The bottles clinked together as Rey dumped them out of the bag. In the dark, she couldn't see the receipt and punch card slip out and under the couch.

She shoved two bottles deep into the cushions and placed her pillow over them for good measure.

Third bottle in hand, Rey made her way back out of the apartment.

The small flood lights were on in the plaza of the complex, illuminating the stairs and the shimmery pool in the middle.

Rey made her way down to the edge of the pool and sat down so her legs were submerged.

The bottlecap scratched against the pavement. She took a couple sips. Then a couple more. Then she leaned back and fell asleep, feet still in the pool and open bottle still in her hand.

//

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

The sun shined through Rey's eyelids, blinding even then.

"Rey, get the fuck up."

She tried to open her eyes, but the light burned too much. And besides, she already knew who was speaking.

"Good morning, Finn."

"Get. Up."

"What time is it?"

"It's five am. And you are so goddamn lucky I am the only who gets up this early in the complex. If someone else had found you..." Finn knelt down and lightly slapped Rey's cheek with the back of his hand. "Wake up, Rey. I have to get to work."

"You don't work," she laughed.

"How much did you drink?"

"Shh." Rey waved a finger around, trying to find Finn's face.

He grabbed her arm. "Get up now or I'm calling Dad."

Rey shot up. Way too quickly. Her vision went black and her head got heavy.

Finn's arm caught her from smacking right into the concrete and helped keep her upright.

"C'mon, Arie. Please."

"That fucking nickname."

Rey lifted her legs out of the pool and immediately felt the itch from her knees down. She ignored that as best she could and let Finn lift her up.

They traveled, or rather stumbled, back to his apartment where he dropped her onto the couch.

"You lied to me," he said. "You're not in control of your drinking and you're not in control of yourself. You're spiraling."

Rey sunk back into the cushions and closed her eyes. "I had a good night, that's all." She reached down and scratched at her legs. "Jesus, they itch."

"Of course they do! They were soaking in chlorine for God knows how long."

"I'll take a shower." Rey began to push herself up.

"Not yet. We're not done here."

"Yes we are. You don't need to police everything I do."

"I am so upset with you."

"Yeah, I get--"

"And you know what? I'm more than upset. I'm fucking scared. What if you had fallen into the pool while you slept? You wouldn't've woken up. Or what if I hadn't been the one to find you? What if someone had called the cops? Or done worse? Worse than getting you arrested? Did Hux make sure you stayed safe? How have you survived this long?"

"Hux was an enabler," Rey snapped. "Hux loved to get drunk with me. I'm actually drinking way less than when I was with him, okay?"

"How long until I get a call from the police? Or a hospital? Or a morgue?"

"Jesus, Finn. Enough with the questions."

"I don't want to kick you out, but Arie..."

"But what? But you will kick me out?"

"But you're making it really hard. You can't keep living here and acting like this. There are consequences."

"You sound like Dad."

"That's fine with me! He was the only sensible one!"

"I don't know what you want me to do."

Finn dropped his forehead into his hand. "I think you need to go to an AA meeting."

"What the fuck?" Rey threw her hands up. "I'm okay!"

"No, you're not! And you're scaring me! Can't you see you have a problem?"

Rey tilted her head so she wouldn't have to look at Finn's glistening eyes and bit at the inside of her cheek.

"Fine, keep lying to yourself. But if you want to stay here-- if you want a free place to sleep-- and if you want to keep Dad out of this, you have to go to the meetings every week and you have to stay sober. Understood?"

Rey stayed quiet for a long moment. The threat of tears suffocated her and the hangover was turning into something much worse.

Then, in a tiny, broken voice, "Will you come with me?"

"What?"

"Will you go with me? To the first meeting?"

A heavy tear rolled down Finn's cheek. "Of course, Arie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo will return soon enough, I promise... But Rey's gotta figure some stuff out first!


	5. Family Values

Rey regretted every bit of weakness and vulnerability she had shown her brother the day he convinced her to go to AA.

He had broken her just long enough to get her crying and whining and all pathetic.

And why had she asked him to come with her to the meeting? She could be getting dressed to go down to The Strip right now, not some church's all-purpose room. But no, she found a goddamn chaperone to ruin her Saturday morning.

Rey dressed primly in what she could borrow from Poe. Combed her hair out and washed her face. Anything to prove that she was not like anyone else there. She wasn't an alcoholic. She was better than that.

At least that's what she told herself.

"I'll be ready in five, I just have to brush my teeth," Finn called out from the bathroom.

Rey looked up from her phone while lounging on the couch. "Why is that not the first thing you do?"

He rolled his eyes and shut the bathroom door.

Not a second later, Rey sprung up to make sure Poe was still in the bedroom. He was.

That meant Rey was in the clear.

She grabbed her plastic water bottle and filled it up three-fourths with the tap. Checking to make sure she was still in the clear, she retrieved the vodka bottle from the couch cushions. The last fourth of the water bottle was now alcohol. The perfect companion for AA.

And the only way to dull the small hangover washing through her head and veins.

Keyword "small". It was only casual midnight drinking while she watched a gardening show on PBS and tried to not think about Hux.

She shoved the vodka back into its hiding place barely a moment before Finn came out of the bathroom.

"Alright, let's go," he said in a chipper tone.

Rey wanted to deck him for it.

//

Las Vegas's Alcoholics Anonymous was about as full and as uninviting as she'd expected it to be.

A mustached man started the meeting. Blabbered on about his own past and the real meaning of the word "change". After setting some ground rules, he opened up the floor. And Rey really wished he hadn't.

"There are quite a few new faces here today. I'd like to invite any of you to come up and introduce yourself if you feel comfortable."

A couple of wandering eyes landed on Rey, her brother's included.

"Go," he urged.

The mustached man's attention caught on her. "Would you like to come up?"

Rey's body stiffened as Finn ushered her up from her seat. She swallowed hard. Mustache Man moved to a seat as she approached the front of the room.

"I'm Rey," she started.

"Hi, Rey," the room echoed.

She tried to shake away the unease of that.

"I don't know what else to say."

"Tell us about yourself— why you're here," Mustache Man said.

"I'm here because I had a pretty late night this past week and that convinced my brother that I have a problem. And since I'm living with him, I have to come to these now. Because I'd rather be in a room full of alcoholics in some musty church than live with my parents again."

Rey took an absurdly low bow and returned to her seat.

Mustache Man took a moment to process her performance before turning around and addressing Finn.

"Would you please introduce yourself?"

Finn looked around, confused. "Oh no, I'm not here because— I'm not— I'm here to support her."

"We encourage supportive family and friends to speak. We could use a different perspective." Mustache Man gestured to the crowd. "To recognize and remember how the people around us feel."

"Okay..." Finn stood up and shuffled to the front of the room. "Um. I'm Finn."

"Hi, Finn."

"Hi."

"Tell what it's like to watch someone you love struggle," Mustache Man prompted.

"It's hard. Our mom went through this and I had to watch her suffer a lot longer than my sister did. And I think sometimes she doesn't know how bad it got for Mom. Or how bad it got for Dad and I. To watch her deteriorate like that..."

"What would you like to tell your sister?"

"I'd like to tell her what I want. But I can't-- it's not my place to be selfish."

"I think it would be good to tell her those things. So she knows and understands what you're going through, too."

"Um. Well okay. Uh... I want to stop having anxiety attacks when I get calls from unknown numbers or calls from my dad at night because my first thought is that Rey's missing or dead because of her problem."

"Addiction," Mustache Man corrected.

"Right, sorry. Addiction." Finn shifted his weight to the other leg. "I want to be able to trust my sister. She's older than me, the one I looked up to. But now I feel like sometimes I'm her babysitter."

Finn looked at Rey. Her face was twisted and she turned away, taking sips from her water bottle.

"And, yeah, do I think she's on the edge of snorting coke in the bathroom of an Applebees? Do I think she has low self-esteem? Do I hate her guts sometimes? Yes. I do." Finn's shoulder tightened. "But you don't listen, Arie. And I don't want to give up on you. But I couldn't save Mom and I'm starting to think you're following too close behind."

You could hear a pin drop in that moment.

Rey stood, tears in her eyes, and left the room.

"Rey!"

Finn ran out after her. He finally caught up once they reached the small yard in front of the church.

"Rey, hold on!" He grabbed her shoulder and she spun around. "I'm sorry you had to hear that, but you needed to."

"You're no better than that stupid mustached guy who compared drinking to having his balls in a vice. What the fuck is this supposed to teach me?"

"You have to start somewhere."

"I don't have a problem."

"Why can't you, for one second, act like the older one here?"

"I am!"

"No, you're not!" Finn towered over Rey, immersed in pent-up resentment. "I had to grow up so quickly because of Mom! Because you left."

"That's not my fault," she defended.

He took a step back, the bitterness of resentment burning away into sour sadness. "Sure felt like it was when I was fifteen."

"Finn—"

"You missed the worst of Mom's drinking. So you don't know that you're acting exactly like she was before she was hospitalized. Because of all the shit she put her kidneys through. And you don't know that I still looked up to you those last couple of years, only to meet you again as an adult and realize that you were worse than Mom! You don't know anything!"

"Please stop."

"Why can't you listen to me?"

"Because you're scaring me!" Rey shouted.

"Good! Be scared! I am! I can't lose you like I lost Mom!"

"Fine!" Rey broke down into tears, one after the other rolling down her face. "I have a problem!"

Finn's shoulders fell and his breath hitched. "What did you say?"

"I have a problem. Okay? I drink because I hurt and ache and I'm lonely. All the time. Alone, in a group, in public. I'm lonely. Drinking dulls that for me."

 

"Does it?"

"Long enough."

"You're going to drink yourself to death."

"I know."

"I can't bury you, Rey. Don't do that to me."

"I don't want to."

"Will you keep going to meetings?"

"Yes. Yes, I'll keep going."

Finn pulled Rey into a rough hug. She held onto him tight and cried into his shoulder.

"I love you, little brother."

"I love you, too, big sister."

//

Rey continued to go to meetings, as promised. And she did her best to cut down on drinking. She was doing well and keeping her head down.

Until she got a call from Phasma, her old friend from college and Hux's creative partner.

"So there's this party..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo incoming...
> 
> Find me on Twitter for updates @ abalancedforce !


	6. Old Friends

_I shouldn't be here_ , Rey repeated in her head. _I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here._

Phasma sat next to her in the driver's seat. One of her perfectly manicured hands gripped the steering wheel while the other meddled with bulky jewelry. They drove through the suburban landscape, street lamps whipping past them.

Rey kept her hands clasped in her lap. Nightfall had brought on so many more worries. Loneliness crept up in the dark, fed on the emptiness of a desperate soul. Preyed upon people with vices, people like her. She knew this. Knew it all too well. But Rey had agreed to go with Phasma anyways, and now she was trapped.

"I don't want tonight to be weird 'cause of everything with Hux," Phasma said, an obvious attempt at both starting conversation and addressing the ginger elephant in the room. "We're strictly creative partners, so I have no stake in him as a... person. You and I are friends. So... just so you know."

"Thanks, Phas. But it's okay. I'm okay. He's the last thing I want to talk about right now."

"Gotcha."

Phasma pulled onto the freeway and headed toward the Strip. Rey hung her head low, staring at her hands. They sat uncomfortably atop a dress Phasma had brought her. It was black and beaded, which rubbed against her arms like boujee pebbles. At least it was something.

"I kind of wish I had gone to the award show," Phasma lamented.

"You didn't miss much."

"Yeah, but I don't know. Feels like a missed opportunity."

A thick silence followed as Phasma had run out of small talk and Rey was focused building herself up to come clean.

"Look, Phas, we need to talk about something else--"

"Can it wait?"

"What?"

"Look up, honey."

Rey finally gave attention to her new surroundings.

"Oh my God," she gasped.

The lights. Sparkling, shimmering, and shining. Glittery rainbows and golden stars. It looked like the middle of a gorgeous galaxy.

"Am I right in assuming this is your first visit to the Strip at night?"

Rey barely breathed out a response, twisting her body to see and devour as much of the beauty as possible.

"It's like nothing I've ever seen before."

Rey continued to gape as Phasma swung around into The Lioness Hotel and Casino valet parking. The women exited the car, followed by Phasma half-heartedly tossing the keys to the attendant.

"So what was it we needed to talk about?"

Rey shook her head, eyes still locked on the sights around her.

"It doesn't matter right now."

"If you say so... Hey girl!"

Rey turned to Phasma.

"Party's this way," she said with a nod of her pillbox hat.

Rey followed her into the casino floor.

"This is not like the one I saw last time."

Phasma laughed. "The Lioness is peak glamour."

"Is that a giant chandelier?"

"Yes. And yes, that is a VIP lounge inside."

Rey's eyes widened for the millionth time. "Do we get to go into one?"

"Oh no, honey. We're better than VIPs."

The women strolled through the casino floor around to the edge of a lobby. A roaring 20s, Prohibition Era aesthetic became more and more apparent. And luxurious.

A security guard stopped them before a matte black door.

Phasma flashed him a smile and handed over her ID with a thick square of elaborately-decorated paper.

An honest-to-God invitation.

The guard inspected the two documents and handed the ID back to Phasma.

"This your plus one?" He asked.

Phasma nodded.

"I'm going to need some ID, ma'am," he requested of Rey.

She scrambled to pull out her card and handed it over. After a glance and a swipe into the system, the guard returned it.

"Have a nice night, ladies."

And with that, the guard slid over, holding the door open for them.

"Holy shit," Rey muttered.

The women entered a different kind of lobby. Another door sat at the end of the hall. Between them, a table with fancy candy, a decked-out mirror, and an elevator existed in gilded glory.

"Where the hell are we?"

Phasma checked her makeup in the mirror. "On our way up to see the gods."

"I don't doubt that."

With a blood red nail, Phasma pressed the Up button. An old-timey arrow above the doors tracked the elevator's movement.

"This is a dream."

The arrow reached Floor One and the doors slid open.

"I'm dreaming."

They stepped inside and Phasma pressed the fourteenth floor.

"Where are we going exactly?"

"The lead member of the Jabba Flow throws a party every year on his birthday."

"The Jabba what?"

"They're a resident band here."

"Who else lives here?"

"You ask questions like I know everything... But to answer that, because of course I know, mostly resident performers, investors, and celebrities with extra disposable income rent floors out here."

"The boujee," Rey simplified. 

"You're catching on."

The elevator stopped and opened to another guarded door. This one was embedded in a wall of frosted glass, sitting at the back of an entry hall. Muffled beats and muted lights peaked through it.

"Hello, Sloane."

The guard grinned and ushered them along. "Miss Phasma."

Even greater amounts of glitz awaited Rey behind the door. Muffled beats turned to heavy jazz riffs and muted lights turned into a disco ball's worth of color streams. Party guests donned flapper dresses, velvet suits, sequined accessories, and hefty jewelry.

"So?" Phasma prodded.

"I don't understand," Rey thought aloud, barely above the noise. "I hated this kind of atmosphere anytime I was in LA or New York. But I'm in love with all of this."

"Vegas wants you to be free. Vegas celebrates it."

"So what are we supposed to do now?"

"Talk! Dance! Drink!"

Rey's heart dropped.

"C'mon!" Phasma motioned.

"I'll catch up!" Rey shouted.

"Mkay."

Phasma glided away, leaving Rey blinded by temptation and guilt.

Finn. AA. Poe, even. You owe them sobriety, she told herself. You can do it, you can do it, you can do it.

Rey pushed deeper into the crowd. The beauty was quickly becoming overwhelming. Outside was tamer, at least. Quieter. Here, though, she felt less like a visitor of the zoo and more like an animal trapped inside.

Something sweet had turned sour oh so quickly.

Rey bit the inside of her cheek and kept going. The live band grew louder as she made her way to the furthest side, a place by the window.

The outside air, no matter how smoky or hot or unsavory it may have been, called to Rey.

"I'll never get tired of that view," a voice behind Rey said.

"It's breathtaking--"

Rey spun around and her sentence sputtered to a halt.

"Oh my God," she finally managed to breathe.

"Rey? Is that-- That can't be--"

"Ben?"

"It is you."


	7. Gold Rush

For a long moment, the party around them slowed. Lights dimmed and music quieted. Rey and Ben remained locked in each other's eyes.

"I saw your billboard," was all Rey managed to get out.

Ben's lips pursed and he nodded. "I hate those things."

"I see your wardrobe hue has stayed the same," Rey said, pointing to his dark suit.

The two exchanged shaky laughter.

"I'm sorry," she continued. "This is weird."

"Oh gosh." Ben placed a hand over his heart. "I didn't mean to--"

"It's not your fault. These are just... odd circumstances."

"It has been a while."

"A lot's changed," Rey lamented.

Ben studied her face. His own cast an empathetic worry, complete with knit brows and downturned edges of his mouth.

"I didn't think you enjoyed parties," he stated.

"You either."

Ben bounced on his toes a little. "Would you want to get out of here? Go somewhere to catch up?"

"Um." Rey's eyes darted to the kitchen. Phasma looked three glasses in and cheery.

"You don't have to. If you want to stay here..."

She met his eyes. "No. I want to go. I just need to let a friend know. Can I meet you in that entry hall?"

Ben smiled. "Of course."

//

Rey exited the party and met up with Ben again.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "There's this really good Thai place over at the Endor. It's nice and pretty quiet. As quiet as you can get here, I guess."

"I've never been to Endor."

"It's beautiful," he grinned.

"I don't doubt that."

Ben shirked his jacket and hit the elevator button. "You're going to love it."

The two exited The Lioness and hiked up cement stairs to the monorail, waiting for a passenger car in the slight breeze. The few words exchanged between them were small and awkward politeness. However, seated close to each other on the monorail, speeding toward their destination, the two found old comfort. A tiny intimacy. Something sorely missed by both.

Ben offered Rey a hand as they disembarked, leading them down the steps and into a jungle.

The Endor lobby sported towering vines of live tropical plants, architecture as if to emulate Mesopotamian ruins, and a huge aquatic column of coral and exotic fish. Rey nearly stumbled as she came to a stop.

"This place never ceases to amaze me," she whispered, eyes fixated on the swimming creatures.

Ben looked at his old friend. The light streaming through the aquarium danced across her face. Her features were all lit up. Soft and beautiful.

He looked away.

"It's this way," he prompted.

Rey nodded and lingered on the tank for a second longer before following Ben once again.

As they walked through the casino floor, three sets of people stopped them for a photo with Ben. Or as they called him, Mr. Kylo Ren.

Each time, he apologized to Rey.

"Does it get tiring?"

"It started out tiring. But you can only complain so much when the universe has already granted your wish."

Rey nodded.

"The celebrity of it is my least favorite. That I will concede to," he offered.

"I can't imagine what it all must be like."

A lull passed between the two. They reached the restaurant and were seated quickly. Rey fought hard against herself, ordering a soda and choosing to struggle with nerves instead of control. A harder bargain than it should've been.

"How often do people ask for pictures?"

Ben shifted in his seat. "We don't have to talk about my job."

"Okay."

"What's yours? Your job?"

Rey prepped herself, as was routine. "I'm a freelance translator."

Ben didn't take the bait. "That's amazing. What kind of work does that entail?"

Rey relaxed. He didn't ask for any stupid translation or anything. He asked about her.

\\\

The night progressed like a firecracker from there. The two opened up simultaneously, sharing bouts of sidesplitting laughter and old stories of high school. Ben and Rey had been quick friends. Or rather, friends of friends. Junior year, they had often found each other at get-togethers and the occasional party.

That bond of knowing glances and shared anxiety had remained, even if just in trace amounts.

As the night grew later, the laughter died down and tiredness set in. Cheeks were flushed. Eyelids slumped. Ben's top shirt button had been undone.

Rey sipped at her third soda and Ben pushed dessert around on his plate. A silence, this time comfortable and calm, settled.

"Can I speak honestly for a moment?" Rey asked, head rested on her hand and leaning in.

"Is that not what we've been doing?"

"I mean ugly honesty."

"Go for it."

"You could not have come back into my life at a better time. I could really use a familiar friend right about now."

Ben leaned back, giving up on the remnants of a sundae. "Things not going so well?"

Rey chuckled. "Oh no. Not at all."

"Tell me about it."

"I, uh, just got out of a pretty rough relationship. You might know the guy-- Armitage Hux? Screenwriter? He wrote Starkiller."

"Yeah, I've definitely heard that name before."

"He's an asshole. A talented asshole, but..."

"Still an asshole."

"Right." Rey picked at a bead on her dress. "Anyway, I was living with him and gave up a three-month job offer to support his promotional stuff. So when I left him uh... like a couple of weeks ago or so--"

"Wow."

"Yeah. Pretty recent. Anyways, when I left him, it means I was without a place to live and without a paycheck. So now I'm staying with Finn and his boyfriend." Rey closed her eyes and dropped her face into her hands. "God, it's embarrassing to crash on your little brother's couch. The whole thing is embarrassing."

Ben reached out and rested his hand on her wrist. Rey looked up.

"I'm really sorry."

Maybe it was those words or the gentleness in his eyes, but Rey felt compelled to spill everything else. Everything about her problem and AA and the rest of the crap with Hux.

She pulled her arms back instead and shook her head irreverently, eyes to the ceiling.

"This isn't how I pictured my twenties."

"I feel that," Ben laughed.

"As much as I hated high school, at least I had my life a bit more together."

"You couldn't drag me back there with a rope."

"It wasn't so bad."

Ben raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, it was pretty bad."

"Yeah."

"I wish we had been real friends. Instead of two people who saw each other every once in a while."

"Me too. I think high school might've been better with a friend like you."

Rey smiled. "We can be friends now, though, right?"

"Please don't tell me I'd have to go to another party to find you again. That birthday is my party of the year."

"I'm sure we could figure out something easier." Rey took a sip of Sprite. "Would you, though?"

"Hm?"

"Would you go to every party in town trying to find me?"

"Well--"

Rey busted up laughing. "You wouldn't, would you? You hate parties that much?"

"No, no, no. Here's-- Here's the thing..."

Rey nodded attentively and Ben burst out into laughter. He pursed his lips to stop, eyeing Rey in faux annoyance.

"What is the thing?" she smiled innocently.

"The thing is, I know you dislike parties. If I wanted to find you... I'd probably start with... that mob museum in Downtown?"

Rey's eyes sparked. "There's a mob museum here?"

"See? I know you a little better than you give me credit for."

"Fair point."

Ben waved for the bill.

"Thank you for dinner."

He shrugged, slipping a bill into the check. "Of course. Shall we?"

Rey stood up and straightened out the borrowed dress.

"Can I have my driver take you home?" he offered.

"Will you come with?"

The request took Ben by surprise, but he welcomed it.

"If you'd like."

//

Rey rolled the tinted windows of the black Lincoln down as they cruised through The Strip. As much as a car could cruise through the traffic.

Her eyes wandered outside, though not as much as they had the first time. Now, she was focused more on the other passenger. A middle seat sat between them. There was distance. However, their hands did lay there in that seat, nearly touching.

The tiredness of the pair erased all tension or inhibitions that had risen before.

"I know we've missed about a decade of each other's lives," Ben began, "but I don't feel like we've missed any time at all."

"Me, either."

"Do you want to hear something embarrassing?"

"Of course."

"You were the only person I ever had a crush on in high school. Never liked anyone else like a normal teenager who probably has a thousand by graduation.

"Woah, woah, woah."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, not that. Why is it embarrassing to have a crush on me? I know I wasn't the best at seventeen, but--"

"That's not what I was--"

"You know what's more embarrassing than having a crush on me? Having you as a first kiss."

Ben's flustered thoughts slowed. "Really?"

"How's that for embarrassing?"

"What you think I meant isn't actually what I meant."

"You definitely could've phrased it better."

"Probably."

The two relaxed in their seats.

After a moment, Ben asked, "Was that truth or dare really when you had your first kiss?"

"I shouldn't have played. But when you're seventeen and trying to fit in..."

The car pulled down Finn's street.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm glad it was you. And not anyone else from that group."

"Still."

"Don't worry," Rey said as she gathered her things and the car came to a stop. "I only played because I liked you, too."

"Wait--"

"Thank you for everything, Ben."

Rey opened the door and slid out.

"Rey, wait."

She turned around and leaned over. "Yeah?"

"Please don't make me run around parties to find you again."

"Do you have your phone on you?"

//

"You're back early," Finn remarked from the kitchen.

Rey failed to wipe the shit-eating grin on her face.

He stared at her, utterly confused. "What happened to you?"

"Ben Solo."

"Oh, God. Rey..."

"He was at the party."

"Really?"

"Mhm. We ditched to go eat dinner. And Finn? No drinks! I made it the whole night!"

Finn smiled. "I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks." She took a goofy bow.

He motioned to the living room. "A giant-ass box came for you today."

Rey glanced over. "It's my suitcase that I left with Hux. He wanted to hand-deliver it, but I said no one would answer the door if he did."

"So I can stop funding your clothing supply?"

"For now."

Finn forced a loud, comical laugh. "So funny."

Rey remembered Ben again and her cheeks flushed.

"Be careful," Finn said as he left for his bedroom. "You're still working on yourself. Don't... Don't put yourself in a situation you can't get out of."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a kudos and all the comments you want if you like the story so far.
> 
> Find me on Twitter for updates @ abalancedforce !


	8. Not a Date

The pool was warm in the sun. Rey floated on her back, gently treading herself in circles. It felt good to just lay there. Finn sat in a lounge chair reading and Poe swam laps beside her. They were all happy, all good. Rey felt comfortable for once. 

She couldn’t hear when her phone buzzed on the table next to Finn. Couldn’t hear the second or third buzz either. Rey did feel Poe grab her shoulder, though. 

She pushed herself upright and Poe pointed to Finn.

Her brother stared at her.

“What?”

“Your boyfriend’s trying to get ahold of you.”

“That’s not funny,” Rey responded, dipping back under the water to fix her hair.

“Not Hux, dummy. Ben.”

Rey’s attention was hooked. She wrung out her hair and climbed out of the pool, barely drying her hands before reaching for her phone.

_Missed call from Ben Solo 10m ago_

_Text Message from Ben Solo 2m ago: Sorry to call you so late._

_Text Message from Ben Solo 2m ago: Are you free tonight? If not, we could try some other time..?_

Rey walked to the opposite side of the pool and called him back.

“Hey,” an enthusiastic voice picked up.

“Hi, Ben.”

“How, uh— How are you?”

Rey giggled. “I’m good. You?”

“Good, good.”

“Sorry I missed your call. I was in the pool.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt—”

“Don’t worry.” Rey’s shit-eating grin returned. “I’m glad you called.”

“Ask if he can get us comp tickets!” Finn shouted.

Rey covered the phone and yelled back. “Shut up, shitdick!”

Finn shrugged.

She uncovered the phone. “Sorry about that.”

“Shitdick?” Ben laughed.

“I… Yeah. Shitdick. It’s his legal name.”

“It is not!” Finn chimed in.

“So, dinner?” Rey segued.

“Right. Dinner. Are you free?”

“Always.”

//

Ben showed up an hour later at five o’clock sharp. He was in a nice button up and suddenly Rey felt very underdressed. She looked down at her jersey dress.

“You look great,” he assured. “I’ll be the one overdressed.”

She grinned and followed him to the black Lincoln. The rolled on toward The Strip to La   
Luna, a star-studded black building. 

“Sorry about bringing you to The Strip, I swear there’s more to Vegas,” Ben fussed. “But this is the only way I have time for anything decent.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I think I’m in love with the place.”

Ben watched her glittered face take in the sights again, still eager for more. 

They arrived at the valet and Ben offered Rey a hand out. She took it, letting their fingers linger a little longer than necessary. 

Inside La Luna, the cosmos came to life. Galaxies and nebulas and constellations pulled them into the night sky. 

As they walked through the shining path toward the dining and shopping area, Rey’s stomach twisted. 

_What was she doing? Going on non-dates with someone she had barely known to begin with, let alone in the past decade or so? Were they really catching up? Do non-dates send cars to pick her up?_

The questions swirled around, accompanied by the loud slot machines and droves of people. One big, looming question became clear.

_Was this a date?_

For the first time in Vegas, Rey felt totally unsteady.

“It’s down this way,” Ben guided. 

She followed absentmindedly until they reached the entrance of a bistro. It had its own hallway, dimly lit and with stone architecture motifs. This place was _fancy_ fancy.

_Like a date._

They were seated immediately and led through the archway of the place, into two stories of open space. A gorgeous fountain sat in the middle. It seemed to be the only thing properly lit. Stringed lights hung around them, but that offered more aesthetics than utility.

As Ben pulled her chair out for her, she went over the math in her head of how likely this was to be a date. All of that came to a halt when Ben started talking to the waitress.

“Bottle of Hyacinth, please.”

Alcohol. 

Rey was going to be asked for more self-control than she could ever remember having. Her   
palms sweat at the thought and she wiped them off on her dress. 

Ben settled into his chair. 

“How was the pool?”

Rey looked up. “Hm?”

“How was the pool?”

“Oh, sorry. Good. It was good. Just the pool at Finn’s apartment complex. Nothing fancy.”

“Do you like to swim?”

“Very much so.” Rey relaxed her shoulders. “I think it’s funny to swim in the desert. Like it’s against the Earth’s protocol.”

Ben laughed. “That’s… an interesting perspective. I like that.”

“Do you like to swim?”

“I don’t know. I don’t do it often enough. Little freetime, y’know? Although, I do suppose that’s a waste of my pool.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “You have your own pool?”

“In my residency penthouse, yeah. It was put in by the last guy.”

“Is it fancy?”

“It’s kind of on a balcony.”

Rey’s excitement heightened. 

Then the waitress came back.

She did the whole waitress-y thing of making sure everything was good with the bottle, then poured two glasses.

“Sorry,” he told Rey. “I don’t normally order for the table. But… I’m a little nervous, I guess I should’ve asked.”

Rey had no room to wonder why he was nervous or if that answered her _Is this a date?_ question. She stared hard at her glass.

Suddenly, she looked up and forced a big smile. “No, I appreciate it.”

 

Rey spent the next hour chugging water and and focusing on her meal, attempting every effort to keep her body from drinking the wine faster than Ben was. She timed her sips with his. Offered to pour and gave herself less. Politely declined another bottle.

But it took all her attention and all her energy. Ben didn’t know what she was struggling with. He could only pick up on what appeared to be disinterest in him.

_Not a date,_ he accepted.

The time passed and he checked his watch.

“Shit,” he muttered.

“What is it?”

Ben waived for the check.

“I’m so sorry I lost track of time. I have to be at call in five minutes.”

The waitress came over and he slipped her a couple of bills with a tight smile. He stood up and ran around the table. Rey got up, too.

“My driver will be waiting for you at the valet. God, I’m so sorry to do this to you.”

“Its okay… Don’t you need your driver?”

Ben bounced on his feet and weighed the numbers in his head. “I’ll manage.”

“Could I ever come to one of your shows?”

Ben chuckled. “I don’t think I’d be able to perform knowing you were there. You’re too distracting.”

Rey remembered her dilemma. _A date?_

“I’ll call you later, Rey.” Ben started to leave. “Let’s hang out again soon.”

And then he was gone.

_Hang out?_

_...Not a date._

//

Rey waved and waited until Ben’s driver pulled away. As the car turned the corner, she bolted through the gate and up the stairs to the apartment. It was late enough for Finn and Poe to be asleep.

The door she tried to shut quietly slammed on her heels, her shin hit the coffee table, and for a long, torturous moment, it sounded like she might have woken Finn or Poe up. 

Once she was sure she was the only one awake, Rey grabbed a bottle from the couch cushions and head for the bathroom. She locked the door and slid into the tub. Tears rolled down her eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to be all fixed and better.

But the need for the soft lull of drunkenness seized the contents of her chest. The pull was too strong.

Rey unscrewed the bottle cap and drowned out the rest of the world.


End file.
